I Used to be You

 Dear Younger Versions of Me Who Still Exist in the Form of ‘Other People’

 

When I was two,
I was exactly like you,
Trying to run before I could walk,
Screamed, for I could not talk.

When I was five,
I was falling behind
But I was inspired
To tackle language divide

When I was eight,
I learned to contemplate
On the consequences of actions,
On the ramifications of emotions

When I was twelve,
I got a new bookshelf
Non-fiction works for self help
Fiction books of heaven n’ hell

When I was fifteen,
I went through puberty
I’d feel angry then express it
For I wasn’t taught to suppress it

When I was eighteen,
I was just an overgrown teen
Who wanted to control reality
Livin’ a narcissist’s dream

When I was twenty-one,
I went too far with my fun
Then bounced back way too fast
And the results did not last

When I was twenty-four,
I thought I knew it all
But my, I had been so mistaken
In my impulsive instinctive decisions

By the time I’d reached twenty-seven,
I was burned out from all I’d given
To society, to friends, to work,
And had to reconstruct a new world

Though I’m not yet thirty,
I find myself completely free
From a conformist’s version
Of defined and dictated ‘freedom’

MG

When the Enemy Cries

What do we do when the enemy cries?
Do we mock their pains, or empathise?

What do we do when the racists scream
that they want to conserve their liberties?

What do we do when classists steal
from those who have less material?

What do we do when sexists refuse
to embrace others as human but then make excuses?

What do we do when homophobes whine
about the fear of being ‘hit on’ all the time?

What do we do when ageists enforce ideals
not to address them by name but instead by title?

What do we do when religious indoctrination
is interpreted with arrogance and not with empowerment?

What do we do when any other human
believes it’s acceptable to compete for validation?

What do we do when abusers run towards weapons,
provoke violence, get beaten, then play ‘victim’?

What do we do when the enemy cries?
Do we mock their pains, or empathize?

 

MG

 

 

 

 

Inspired by Hong Kong 

You Me Them

I promised to write more than sappy love letters
But all of a sudden you popped up out of nowhere
Into my life, you came unexpectedly
And never left, merely transformed into me

See, we were separate once, many moons ago
Not so many that I can’t recall, though
The memories have faded, new ones have formed
Each taking a varied shape; some robust, some deformed

Nonetheless, you and I never really started
For the same reason, never actually departed
Somewhere along the way we simply merged
Like the oceans welcoming newly melted icebergs

Tonight, of all nights, out of the blue
You sang to me an unforgotten tune
Lyrics to a song that were once my inspiration
Music to the words evoking your emotions

Back when we met, that same song of ours
Was sung to another who I’d dated for hours
At least it would seem, now that time has passed
Reminiscing over a past I knew wouldn’t last

I’m curious though, do you still remember those years?
When we sat on the steps confronting our fears?
Drinking bottle after bottle, drowning out our sorrows
Repeating the cycle each and every morrow

Until one day, I grew bored of you
Dropped the alcohol, took a break from you, too
At least for a while, I let you linger in the background
Stalking the possibility that you’d come ’round

Tonight, of all nights, I finally know why
I’ve kept the memory of you alive
Seeing you again after all this time
Refreshed, rejuvenated, so full of life

I knew in an instant that you felt it, too
Looking at me was a reflection of you
Both of us needed to be renewed
Yet until it happened, we hadn’t a clue

Here we stand, staring at each other
Wondering what to say to one another
Our decade worth of consistent warfare
All to hide a deluded affair

Unspoken words with unworded flirts
Optical conversation conducted with smirks
Somehow we spoke with facial expressions,
Eye-contact, and minimal diction

You were torn in that moment, a dilemma at bay
For you hadn’t decided if you wanted to stay
Or if you were visiting just for a day
You were torn between your boredom and our game

That’s when I snapped you back to reality
Reminded you that you’re already part of me
You seem to think you’re a separate entity
But you’re an iceberg that melted into the sea

You pulled me into your fantasy
Thought you could write me off as a dream
Then didn’t realise you’d fallen head first
Into the intricacies of my world

All I did was sit back and smile
Knowing it would take you only a while
To realise that you wanted more
Than you ever would’ve let yourself before

Which is why today, you showed up again
Seeking, nay, begging for my attention
Yet if I were to give it, you’d put up resistance
All because you love the thrill of the chase

We’re different yet alike; we’re Jekyll and Hyde
Of the same body but not the same mind
Of the same emotion but opposite reactions
Of the same actions with differing interpretations

What I do, you hope to achieve
What you do, will be my history
Together, you and I present the illusion
That we’re filled with complications and confusion

When in truth, we’re both quite simple
We wear the same masks, bear the same ego
We step out the door in our human costume
Pretending time and again that we’re one of them

It’s been so long now, we’ve even a system
Designed specifically for engaging the humans
When we leave the house, we use your persona
It’s more well-received; people like you better

Behind closed doors, we get to be me
Away from humanity, we’re finally free
When we’re with loved ones, we merge ourselves
Bolster our strengths and offer some help

Now I won’t tell you what we’re like around enemies
That part of our strategy shall remain a mystery
Just know that when it comes to war
More than victory, justice is worth more

Our life is not as hard as it seems
In fact, it’s rather entertaining
And perhaps (more than) a little exhausting
But c’est la vie, we live amongst humans.

 

MG

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Space

Space,
as in the place
in our universe
where the planets
are placed?

Space,
as in the pauses
between sentences
where the spaces
are placed?

Space,
as in the boxes
of rooms we pay for
where the economy
defines our place?

Space,
as in the metaphorical oxygen
you need in order to breathe
because you’ve been suffocated by
a partner who doesn’t
know her place?

Space,
as in the physical reflection
of a human ego,
the amount one needs
so that they can grow?

Space,
as in conceptual nothingness
to remind you of everything
you now realise is meaningless
all because you wanted this thing…

…called space?

Space.

 

MG

 

Urban City

The low growl of construction
The echo of city rhythms
The flashing lights on the street
The metronome of life’s beat

Sirens all around
Noises, so loud
People scream for no reason
Regardless of time or season

Boxes and lines everywhere
Humans scattered here and there
No matter where I look, there’s a distraction
Divided into multiple factions

The rich on one side
The poor undefined
Everyone else is in the middle
Trying to get through their own riddles

Would it ever end?
Or will we continuously pretend
That we’re satisfied with all this mediocrity?
That we weren’t destined to break free?

MG

Reflective Rambles

(This ramble rambles on a little, beware.)

So what that I used to be more extroverted and now I’m more introverted? So what that I used to care about the material world and now I care about the metaphysical one? So what that my room is chaotic when the wars in my head have finally subsided?

Yes, I know that every day is a blessing and a stepping stone towards the future. I know that what happened in the past is a reflection of what I once thought was important. I know that history is a representation of how large our complacent, arrogant egos measured compared to each new tomorrow.

And I know that the future is only influenced by what we do today, but it is in no way defined or determined.

Destiny is never “one goal” but a series of different choices we make in order to arrive at a destination we gear towards — most of the time, anyway.

Yes, unexpected occurrences are a part of life, things change and those inconsistencies sometimes affect our rhythms. But I suppose growing up is merely a compilation of learning how to account for differences — knowing how to mold ourselves into situations that are out of our control.

We can’t change reality, but we can change how we respond to it. We can’t always get what we want, but we can generally strive for our needs. “Wants” and desires are preferences, they are nothing more than what we’ve been feeding our egos this whole time. Needs, on the other hand, are the aspects that keep us physically and mentally in check. The rest falls into place as long as these aspects are regulated.

With all these regimented policies I’ve made for myself, committing to them has led to a freedom I was always fighting for but had no idea what it looked like until I attained it.

Yes, I’m freer than I was but not as free as I can be.

Freedom to me? Free of anxiety, of anger, of rage, of pain. Free of impulsivity, of disparity within myself. Free of unnecessary desire, of irrational delusions. Free, but still with a few remnants to de-clutter. I mean, if I did it all at once, there’d be nothing left to do. So why the rush? It’s not like I’m trying to prove anything to anyone, so why be impulsive about it?

I used to be in a rush to grow-up, but now that I’m a little bit more “grown’, one thing I learned along the way is that you can’t rush growth.

What you can rush though, is getting your work done before the due dates and paying bills on time. Other than that… there is really… no…….. r..u….sh……………

 

MG

 

 

The Black Hole (Part III)

After years of exploring the Black Hole, I returned to humanity.

I tried to speak of this experience with humans, but not everyone was as open-minded. Of course, there were some who took an interest and enjoyed hearing of my travel journeys. Those were able to live vicariously through my shared experience.  But then there were the sceptics, the ones who thought I was speaking gibberish and manipulating people for the sake of attention.

I wasn’t, but I can understand why they’d felt that way. After the Black Hole, I actually understood much of what I didn’t even realize I had yet to know.

See, though the Black Hole was filled with a great deal of what people call “nothingness”, it was only in the surrender of ego did I finally see everything within the nothing.

In becoming so detached and removed from humanity, I finally grasped the essential elements that drive them in such a manner.

My distance showed me that humans are simple creatures with complex insecurities. Simple in that they are hedonistic, utilitarian, narcissistic, and competitive. They capable of anger but also joy, strength as well as weakness. They love as deeply as they hate, they rest as much as they work. Humans are simple in that they are multifaceted beings striving to become one.

But humans are also complex in that they often have displaced emotions. They project  insecurities in inappropriate manners at the wrong moment due to egocentric defense mechanisms. They are far more often controlled by ego rather than truth. Driven by image over honesty. Humans portray weaknesses as strengths and are offended when shown the same image from another angle.

Returning to humanity, I had to uproot examples within the human world in order to portray a realization to which I came within the Black Hole.

It is that one simple way to test the complexity of a human ego is to take one out of its comfort zone and see how it responds to change. See, the ego, combined with personal experience, is what determines how adaptable a person can be.

Prominent examples can be seen in the following areas within today’s humanity: racist arrogance (feels uncomfortable around people of different color), xenophobia (inability to communicate with those who speak other languages), gender bias (expects to be served by the opposite gender), religious intolerance (quick to disagree with any terminology pertaining to other beliefs), ageism (judgemental of people from other generations).

Having been hiding in the Black Hole for so long, I’d become so outdated as to what had been going on in the physical world. Much as I had obtained a theoretical understanding of the human ego before my journey’d commenced, it was not until I became void of my own did I see clearly the prominence of it within humanity.

…And with that newfound knowledge, as promised, I shared it with the world.

Not for the fame, not for the glory, but simply because I was curious and am now excited about the discovery.


Sincerely hope that you have enjoyed the adventure written in these three parts. It has been a delight journeying with you.

May you, too, reach a sense of enlightenment, acceptance, understanding, and peace from within. May you learn to exist on your own without relying on the ego.

I wish you all well. Thank you for reading. 

 

MG

 

 

 

The Black Hole (Part II)

First read Part One (Click for link)

I kept that promise — except… I did it metaphorically. No, I did not join NASA and fly to the physical Black Hole on which Einstein and Hawking both have astounding theories. Nay, I traveled to a metaphorical Black Hole and was sucked into a world that I never would have thought existed. A parallel universe on earth, so to speak, where time-zones collided with human measurements of time. Where humans behaved much like the depictions of demons I had read about in literature. Where all that I knew of the world had crumbled into a pile of what I now realize was a childish idealisation of humanity.

I went to the Black Hole — if anything, simply because I was curious. At that age, it was never about the glory or fame. It was never about the money or the risk. It was about the innocent curiosity of wanting to know what lay ahead.

Of discovering a secret that the world hadn’t.

Yes, it was an egocentric drive, but one with a positive outlet that drove me to do crazy, unheard of things that I can now understand experientially rather than limited to vocabulary. It was the push I’d needed at the time, incidentally, the one that pulled me so far away from my ego and into a universe without a self.

In this universe, my shell was invisible; the egocentric shell, the human cloak which I wear to shield myself from vermin, was not brought into this place.

It was disconcerting. I felt disoriented and “not my-self” because essentially, I was not my “self”, I was just… me. I floated around the universe as an unnoticed observer who tried to make its presence known by way of habitual behaviour derived from the egotistic persona. None of my actions were familiar, and yet they did not feel wrong at the same time.

I felt myself changing in this universe. Am I growing or am I stagnating? Am I moving forwards in the wrong direction or walking backwards in the right one? Am I floating or am I flying? Am I drifting or am I surrendering my power? Am I strong or am I weak?

These questions I’d pondered left-right-and-centre until years later, I reached a final conclusion.

Do those answers actually matter, or am I just distracting myself from escaping this void I’d been so curious to explore?

It was right at that moment a pathway magically appeared. A dark spot had appeared in the Black Hole (which was filled with a surprising amount of light, so much that you couldn’t actually see anything. You know that feeling of total darkness? Well imagine total brightness, it ain’t that pretty either.) But that darkness meant a way out, a way back into humanity.

A way back to me

The answer to the question was actually quite simple: the answer doesn’t matter. It’s what you do with the knowledge that counts.

Though anyone could’ve told me that in a second, the pathway only appeared because I had reached something they call acceptance. I had to accept simplicity and deny mediocrity.

After years of exploring the Black Hole, I returned to humanity.

I tried to speak of this experience with others, but…

 

Stay posted for Part III

 

MG