Peace and Chaos

Flash fiction

 

“God, grant us world peace,” prayed the old woman.

“God, keep the art alive,” prayed the young man.

“Without chaos, there would be no art. Without art, no peace. Peace exists because of chaos, without chaos an artless world would lack peace,” said God.

 

MG

While I Was Away…

I spent some time in a metaphorical submarine as the unconscious unfurled while I sought answers in the depths of me. Thankfully, I did have wifi connection wherever I went, so upon emerging from the deep blue seas, it was not a particularly intimidating readjustment. If anything, I was rather excited to come back to life fully revived and ready to thrive.

In my journeys far from humanity, I discovered many treasures that lay beneath the tidal waves where few dare to venture. These observations quenched my thirst and satiated my hunger in the days where human interaction was scarce; when those above sea-level lived their lives offline, engaging in human activities such as parties, discussions, sports competitions, birthdays and weddings, explorations of the natural world or what not.

It wasn’t until the humans commemorated their life in a shared memory space called the Cyber-Web did I know what was going on in the world above. It was entertaining, I enjoyed living vicariously through those I once knew, and those I had yet to know. Being a few hundred feet below sea-level with only a dozen other souls definitely beat soaring thirty-thousand feet above sea level with four hundred anxious flyers. There was less…turbulence, so to speak. Less chaos in the depths.

I observed the humans, they amused me. As times got tougher and the planet became hotter, each for his or her own reason reached for the skies, seeking life in more temperate regions. Those from the Cold Lands migrated further east, towards where the sun rose. Those from the Hot Lands aimed to move North, away from the sun and into more habitable temperatures.

The humans moved and migrated, each taking a piece of the land to new lands, cultivating and planting new seeds in soils becoming more and more crowded. What was once intended to be a garden soon became a forest, one that later branched into a rain-forest. Lands soon changed and merged, as physical survival became the sole focus of humans. Those who did not face physical challenges soon became bored and created  problems for themselves; problems of perception, of opinions, of emotions, and of status.

Humans…

I returned, for I missed the chaos.

MG

It’s Good to Be Back

(Disclaimer: If this post causes emotional discomfort, please confront your demons by heeding wise advice.)

I was spontaneous yesterday.

Now, for those of you who know me — it really does depend which era of me you know, now, doesn’t it?

Let’s try this again. For those of you who have known me in the past couple of years, maybe three, you’ll probably gasp when I, of all people, say “spontaneity”. And I know exactly why; I know the reasons for your surprise probably better than I let on, as I do with most things in life, to be honest.

So why was being spontaneous a big deal for me?

Because, mates, it’s good to be back.

You look at me and think, “but you didn’t go anywhere”. Physically no, but in the past two years I did go down a path I once promised myself to never venture. I promised myself I wouldn’t because of how many people I lost to it — the cancer of the mind, eating away at the soul, leaving behind a mere shell of a human body to remind us that yes, this living, breathing, entity is our responsibility.

So I left. I couldn’t leave physically — I had too many commitments out here in the city, a life I’ve spent a decade trying to build and am still dissatisfied with my efforts, knowing how far I’ve fallen when I look at how much I achieved once upon a time.

I couldn’t leave mentally — no, my brain is generally over stimulated due to intelligence, which, unfortunately for a lot of people, means I have no off-switch. I notice things. Then I understand concepts because I’ve seen it somewhere before, so I associate that and make a connection. That link tends to be more logical than emotional because I like being objective, studying the facts, understanding the patterns.

Logic is my comfort zone.

But I left, emotionally. It was one of the longest journeys I’ve ever taken — to be completely void of emotions and shut down, tuned out from the world around, still hearing details but feeling like everything is meaningless. Sometimes, this can be a good feeling, like if that emptiness is actually contentment and peace. If that emptiness is actually silence and solitude. What I felt though, was far from that.

At first.

It was a lonely emptiness, where not only did I feel like no one could relate to me, but that I hadn’t found a way to relate to myself. I was so far gone, so different, so…unfamiliar to myself. Most people think I had it done to me, that I was a victim of victimless crimes; that I was subject to whatever abuse had led me down that path. But it was my morbid curiosity, because I chose those situations knowing that I am entertained by aggression.

Aggressors find my amusement annoying. It adds fuel to the fire, pushes their limits; unable to laugh at themselves, the angry flip from aggression to full on abuse.

Of course it’s fun, it’s like that predictable explosion, a controlled avalanche.

And it’s what I do, I laugh in the face of rage. I laugh, because I understand anger, I know rage, I terrorized them a long time ago, and they are now subservient to my control. I don’t avoid it, but I generally don’t project it either. So yes, watching each and every single one of you flip out in vengeance does entertain me, because I remember what it was like to be immature.

I remember what it was like to be insecure.

But I also remember…what it’s like to be fearless in the face of insecurity.

My darlings, like I said, it’s good to be back. Oh, how I’ve missed you…

G.