Free

The bird wanted the fish to feel
How free it was to fly
He plucked the fish from the sea
And got angry when it died…

MG

 

 

 

[Moral]
Acceptance and cooperation
The bird is freest when flying in the sky, whereas the fish is freest in the water.
The bird imposed its own understanding of freedom on the fish then was disappointed that the fish could not fly.

[Lesson]
The problem was that the bird did not adjust its expectation, but the solution was that the bird could adapt.
It just ate the dead fish.

Try Something New

“Try something new,” she had said, responding to the unspoken yearning I’d been having for adventure.

What’s new? I had wondered, constricted by the limitations of my imagination. And bank account. Try something new…

I’d been pondering for months what “new hobby” would satiate my thirst. For months, I dreamed of playing the violin, of resting it gently in my left hand, tips to the fingerboard, bow at the ready as if it were a wand, preparing to cast a spell of musical magic.

But there was something at the back of my head whispering, “one thing at a time my dear. One thing at a time.”

Eager beaver I was, always wanting to cultivate or learn something: another instrument, another language, another sport,  a new skill, expand my world and all that. The mere thought of balancing all of that amidst a life of work, academics, social life and relationships, would be overwhelming to most people.

I suppose I’m “different” that way. I was…determined.

And so I tried something new. Contrary to what I had thought, t’was not a passive hobby that was needed, but rather an expressive outlet. An aggressive and intense activity that had the adrenaline pumping with the risk level fairly low.

I tried something new.

I packed my bag and prepared for a day out at sea. It was sunny with very few clouds blotted around the sky. There was a gentle breeze, barely noticeable unless one was consciously looking out for it. The sun blazed down ever so softly, discreetly, but silently lethal if one was not careful.

It had been years since I had last been in these waters, a decade, perhaps. I strapped the board to my feet and tightened the laces, with enthusiasm and confidence. Though it had been years, and I was a little nervous, I was more excited than I had felt in a very long time.

Smiling at the board with silent anticipation, I jumped into the water and let my body adjust to the temperature. The water is your friend, I told myself, as the touch of the ocean against my skin shocked the city-life out of my system momentarily.

Try something new, she had said.

At that moment, I was more grateful than ever to even have this opportunity, to have this experience. To have this kind of freedom that very few truly understand, let alone appreciate. I was grateful for my friends, for their presence and company.

And I was grateful for the sea, for the fun I was about to have.

I gripped the handle and the motor roared into action. In seconds, I was up and gliding across the water. The waves washed over my feet as I tilted forward and backwards, controlling the direction of movement. The sun blared over my head and the wind blew at me as I soared across the waves.

It had been years, but I was finally back.

Finally… free.

 

 

MG

Strolls Part II

(Trying out a new style)

 

Buildings, buildings, all around
Clank, honk, traffic sounds.
Bamboo scaffolding, held up by zip-ties
Prolonging a moment in a realm where time flies.

Preoccupied by a gentle grip,
Glimmering glimpses of “sweet lil’ bits”.

Complexities, confusion, structured chaos surrounds
Simplicity, serenity, calms the storms around.

The moon shone brightly, resting atop a roof
–of a construct ever so foreign to me;
this territory was new.

The clouds swayed and drifted into the distance
An enjoyment of this unencumbered innocence.

The water — still as could be,
— reflected the moon, vibrant, present.
The boats docked, uninterrupted silence
Passionate simplicity, peaceful, pleasant.

 

 

MG

In Light of Lightning

In light of lightning
With positive on the rise
Negative always falling
From afar,
The charge.
The polarities , the gate-ways

The realities

The weight-
-ed truths of futures untold

As time unravels at the speed of light
The echo
The vibrations
The accommodation
The adaptation.

Adaptation.

That is essentially
What we , humans
of human nature
Were created to do.

The intent
The lack of pretense
the masks we wear
Conditioned to our forefathers
The foregrounds of aftermath
Instead of unlearning we are
Recreating
A flagon of confusion.

Flagon.
Wagon.
Wagonwheel
Bandwagon.

We all hop on it at some point
Hoping it would take us to where-
-ever it is we thought we would be.
But for what realities
To recreate
To reincarnate as a
Physical entity
Bearing a mind
Body
Soul
All wrapped into that same
Human shell
A skeleton key
That unleashes
Whose form of dream , fantasy
Colliding with presence, present, reality.

Future unravels
Unfurls
At the speed of light
But on a stormless day
The only light
That radiates
Is that star
Around
which the world
Revolves.

Revolve.
Involve
Revive.
Revolt.
To no longer be deprived of human nature,
The unconditioned self
The junior
The minor
Hiding in the dark
secretly retaining a spark
That can only be ignited through
The unshattered unscatteted parts
Of whatever it was you were creating
Deliberating
Debating
Recreating
Understanding
Understating
Under-evaluating
Under-rating

Contemplating
Commemorating
Considering all things
Unconsidered
Inconsiderate

Boundaries.
Why ,
Boundaries , the antithesis of liberty.
That liberation for years and a lifetime we seek
But why, on earth when it’s gifted
To you after years of relentless battle
After years of trading up your cattle
Upgrading
Uptaking
The uprising. Why,
The boundaries the lines
The conclusions you’ve drawn
All for the purposes of sacrificing your pawns
In order to save the queen
That version of your princess self
Yet to see
Your inner “queen”
Whatever it is you think that means,

Life is not a game of chess.

And even if it was
At the end of the game
The king and the queen
Return to the same box.

MG

30.4.17

Lost Love

Perhaps one day we’ll meet again
In the sky or in the sea. 
And though it was water that washed us away
T’was the winds that blew you to me… 

 

I love you, but I couldn’t save you.

Only you can save yourself, darling, and what breaks my heart… is that you don’t even realise you’re drowning in a cesspool of melancholy.

I came to you and reached out, lent you a hand to pull you from all that. You tried, and climbed as far as you could until you got sucked in by the whirlpool all over again.

You tried to drag me down with you, but I refused to cave. I tried, but my feet were too rooted in the cemented foundations I’d spent years securing for myself. I tried to follow you, but the currents that flooded my path were too strong…I could only move forward, darling, but I handed you a rope to bring you with me.

We pulled and pulled, held on for as long as we could.

But neither of us could fight nature…

You got sucked in by your whirlwind, and I by the rushing rapids.

I’m sorry, my love. I tried. I know you did, too. But I’m sorry I couldn’t do what you needed me to be

 

Perhaps one day we’ll meet again
In the sky or in the sea. 
And though it was water that washed us away
T’was the winds that blew you to me…

MG

Where Am I Now, They Ask

“Where are you?” they ask, then don’t stop to listen to the response. Well…

I am capable of anger. Rage, too, mind you. It is not an anger that reacts to the ordinary, mundane trivialities of social construct, such as religion, race, gender, and class. No, it is a genuine anger, not a projection. It is an underlying one, the undercurrents, which have found different mediums of release so that no more human collateral is necessary.

However, I am capable of anger. And pain. And rage.

Some call them demons, I call them artists; exploding paint into an array of beauty, of wonder in the making.

But more than anything, that anger comes from disappointment. Sweetheart, I’m disappointed. I know you are, too, but part of that springs from the knowledge that we both want the same thing and just not from each other. We want it from ourselves.

Yet, I have the audacity to write this to you, knowing that you’ll never read it –  I use audacity in the context of “courage”, not “entitlement”. I am that flux between your best dream and worst nightmare. It is my humanity I present to you, as sincerely as I know how.

You’re free to come and go as you wish, you always have been. But darling, you have become as apathetic to my presence as I am resilient to your absence.

So for once, I just wish you would meet me halfway. That said, I don’t know if I should be reaching or settling…but I’m present, somewhere in the middle. That’s me.

Balanced.

Present.

Always, the last one standing. The one they’ve left to hold up the fort.

And I do, using the pain and strength that came from shattered bones regrown. On cold days, the scars do burn a little, a reminder that there is still a fire within me. On hot days, the anxiety levels rise and my aggression is channeled into “midnight strolls” that turn into 20 kilometer strides around the city.

I have no choice but to be strong. My weaknesses are merely “assignments I have yet to complete.” The disappointment in me springs from always feeling incomplete, from the perfectionism that has been instilled in me through knowing that I can only ever improve. The disappointment in knowing that I have become who I aspired to be, and now need new aspirations so as not to become complacent in the results. There is no end to the learning process, only expansion and improvement.

But they say, moving forward sometimes means allowing the future to unravel and unfurl, the seeds that have been planted through time.

They always say “reap what we sow”, and then leave out the entire “growth” process. The longest part of the journey. They say it as if one can plant a bean and it magically sprouts into a beanstalk, instead of describing the journey of how it took to turn into a plant. So yes, we reap what we sow, but in between, there’s a whole ton of adventure and growth.

Those are the challenges: the long days in the sun, plowing through the soils, finding the right fertilizers, weeding out bad roots…and yet…those are the parts they all skip…and you ask why I’m disappointed.

I feel betrayed. Betrayed by the lies you didn’t mean to tell. Because the lies you tell yourselves, are the lies you tell me. And then expect me to swallow it like it’s not insulting. Expect me to stand there and take your projections of insecurity because I’m “strong enough” to ward them off, apparently.

Well, I’ll tell you, I’m not warding them off, darling. I let them sink it, taking the place of what used to be “respect”. Perhaps it’s not that respect needs to be earned, but that disrespect should be earned. I approached you with respect, the respect you hadn’t earned, but still expected. So I handed it to you, sampling it to see what you’d do.

You took it for granted, love. You took me for granted.

It’s not a line you’ve drawn between us, or a wall you’ve built between us, darling.

It is an abyss you’ve created, a canyon, where we’re both on the edge wondering who’d fall first.

I assure you, I’ve already taken that plunge. A long, long time ago. I’ve been down here a while now, exploring the caves and digging for diamonds.

But I’m not staying down here alone, so when the storm comes and floods this canyon into a river, I’m letting it carry me wherever it leads.

Because this, darling, is out of my control. And evidently, out of yours too.

I love you. And I’m sorry that loving you hurts this much, but I’m not sorry that hurting grows me this much.

So join me, or don’t, but know that I won’t be here forever…

MG

A Star is Born

Sometimes
The Sun and Moon
collide
so that
a star
can be
born
~MG~

Stars are made when particles are compressed, pushed together, causing chemical reactions and increasing temperatures as kinetic energy escalates. It can be a violent process where the energy pushes against each other with so much force that they are magnetically pulled together. Gravity keeps the pressure on, staying grounded generates more and more heat. The young star gets hotter, brighter, and reaches an intensity where eventually they fuse together, releasing massive amounts of energy. (Information here)

Voila, a star is born.

The sun and the moon collided — our physical selves, polar opposites on the surface — so that a star could be born.

That star is the love that exploded out of us pushing against each other after being brought together. That star, is soul.

It was always about soul, darling.

Because soul.

M.G.

(Inspirational music, click here)