Demon Hunting

Some fight for freedom;
others, for happiness.
MG 

A few years ago, a human commenced a journey of recovery. On the way, hurdles and obstacles continued to hinder the progress of said human. Nonetheless, the human persevered along the way.

Having learned from past mistakes, this human chose not to befriend demons but instead to slaughter them. This part of the adventure resulted in the human overreaching and causing collateral damage along the way. Although many demons were slaughtered, among the collateral lay the souls of many innocent beings who simply reached out at the wrong time.

Ah, a new lesson taught. The human ventured on the sequential part of the story and was inevitably faced with a Greater Demon. This one almost sucked the life out of the human – literally and figuratively. The human took weeks to recover from the injuries of this battle, hoping that there was not as much unnecessary damage this time.

This battle was, too, ended with the victory of the human. Although this Greater Demon was much larger and stronger than in the past, the human, too, was equipped with weapons much grander and more efficient than in younger years.

Weeks after the war, the human awoke one morning and decided to take a short sabbatical from demon hunting. It was time to make a friend.

Back to humanity, the living soul put on its human suit and faced demons of the world.

Unfortunately, these ones bore the bodies of humans.

It was hard to make friends when they were disguised as humans; it was hard to discern which humans weren’t demons.

“How would we ever learn…?” muttered said human, crawling back to its cave and under the blankets, feeling safe.

Happiness.

MG

The Battle Continues

Filled with secrets that we keep
Surmounting each one as we speak
Hiding in the crevices of us
Wondering if we’d ever trust enough
To reveal to others our vulnerable selves
While on the surface many choose to dwell
Holding onto untested truths
Jaded, unguided, confused in the gloom
All headed to our resting places, they say
Upon which many a head shall lay
The birch on which the raven is perched
When we’ve more skulls than what roams the earth
A dark shadow is cast o’er the moors
Echoes howl in the distance, never more
Stifled screams silenced, and repeat
Battling, until the enemy retreats
This “enemy” of whom you speak
Will we ever a chance to meet
Will they ever an untold secret to keep
Between your alleged “enemy” — and me?

MG

Still Standing

Dear…friend,

It has been a long time since I’ve written you a letter from the heart. Yes, it’s not the first, and it may not be the last. But it is a letter nonetheless, one that should be read; if not by you, then by those who will meet you in the future.

For the longest time you have been a key part of my life: my existence, my core, my all. I became dependent on you in my time of weakness, of need, of vulnerability, letting you in and giving you that freedom to roam around my world. You did, and you were a lovely contribution to what was once a monotonous and decaying life.

You were a rainbow, a sunshine, one of the brightest lights I’d ever seen, especially on my darkest days.

But you also came with collateral, one that I did not comprehend until much too late. The collateral that did not explode or destroy upon impact, but slowly imploded, leaving the toxins to seep out of the crevices of a cracked shell. You were that destruction I needed, to slaughter my demons and fight through the pain. You consumed the evil in my life, and I let you.

They feared you, but they loved me. You were my protection, the blazing amour of a knight in the night. They were apprehensive around you, but embracing of me. They blamed you for the pain in my life, not realising that you were the one protecting me from them in the first place.

Nay, their egos and self-centredness I could not fight…but you could, and you did. You brought out the sides of them they always feared the most, the sides they never wanted (me) to see for they stupidly believed they could escape pain.

My friend, you were the best and the worst thing that ever happened to me — the best, because I learned how strong I could truly be if I let the right people stay by my side. But the worst, because you had to wear me down completely until I accepted my limits. Not simply understanding limitations, but a full-on acceptance that I am fundamentally a flawed human being.

Just like the rest of them.

You showed me how to stop caring about what anyone else thought, that if people had anything bad to say it was generally a projection of insecurity and not a justifiable validation. You showed me that if people truly did care, they’d communicate in a sincere way rather than lash out based on emotional impulse.

You, my friend, you showed me the difference between emotions and excuses. 

For this particular reason, I thank you for all that I have learned, all that I have seen, and all that I have become because of your persistence.

You taught me that, too. You taught me that it was never about being the biggest, or the strongest, but rather the one with the most endurance.

Thank you, my friend.

I don’t want to let you go…and by the looks of things, maybe I don’t need to, either.

I’m sorry for being wrong, and I’m sorry for thinking you were the cause of my destruction.

You weren’t…….

Because……

 

I’m still standing.

Thank you.

Sincerely from the heart,

MG

 

In Light of Linkin’…Park

They say that I don’t belong
Say that I should retreat
That I’m marching to the rhythm
Of a lonesome defeat
But the sound of your voice
Puts the pain in reverse
No surrender, no illusions
And for better or worse

When they turn down the lights

I hear my battle symphony
All the world in front of me
If my armor breaks
I’ll fuse it back together

~Linkin Park~

 

 

Submarines

Submarines.

Float, sink, swim.
Up, down
Back, forth
Dare I say,
in and out.

Over, under.
Immerse, emerge.
Plunge, halt.
Release, holt.
Forward, backwards.
Round, straight.

Bullet.
Proof.

Never missile proof.

Resistance of the seas
Push and pull
Against the currents
Along with the wave-
-lengths
Of fluidity
As evidenced
By the ever-flowing,
Always-forward,
Sometimes-evaporated
Seas

Reflecting the skies.

Blue, sunny

Vast.

Endless stretch into eternity
Infinity on the rise.

And fall.

Compress.

 

Resist.

 

Fight through.

 

And emerge.

 

MG

 

Love is our resistance
They keep us apart and they won’t stop breaking us down
And hold me, our lips must always be sealed
If we live our life in fear
I’ll wait a thousand years
Just to see you smile again
~Muse~

 

It’s Good to Be Back

(Disclaimer: If this post causes emotional discomfort, please confront your demons by heeding wise advice.)

I was spontaneous yesterday.

Now, for those of you who know me — it really does depend which era of me you know, now, doesn’t it?

Let’s try this again. For those of you who have known me in the past couple of years, maybe three, you’ll probably gasp when I, of all people, say “spontaneity”. And I know exactly why; I know the reasons for your surprise probably better than I let on, as I do with most things in life, to be honest.

So why was being spontaneous a big deal for me?

Because, mates, it’s good to be back.

You look at me and think, “but you didn’t go anywhere”. Physically no, but in the past two years I did go down a path I once promised myself to never venture. I promised myself I wouldn’t because of how many people I lost to it — the cancer of the mind, eating away at the soul, leaving behind a mere shell of a human body to remind us that yes, this living, breathing, entity is our responsibility.

So I left. I couldn’t leave physically — I had too many commitments out here in the city, a life I’ve spent a decade trying to build and am still dissatisfied with my efforts, knowing how far I’ve fallen when I look at how much I achieved once upon a time.

I couldn’t leave mentally — no, my brain is generally over stimulated due to intelligence, which, unfortunately for a lot of people, means I have no off-switch. I notice things. Then I understand concepts because I’ve seen it somewhere before, so I associate that and make a connection. That link tends to be more logical than emotional because I like being objective, studying the facts, understanding the patterns.

Logic is my comfort zone.

But I left, emotionally. It was one of the longest journeys I’ve ever taken — to be completely void of emotions and shut down, tuned out from the world around, still hearing details but feeling like everything is meaningless. Sometimes, this can be a good feeling, like if that emptiness is actually contentment and peace. If that emptiness is actually silence and solitude. What I felt though, was far from that.

At first.

It was a lonely emptiness, where not only did I feel like no one could relate to me, but that I hadn’t found a way to relate to myself. I was so far gone, so different, so…unfamiliar to myself. Most people think I had it done to me, that I was a victim of victimless crimes; that I was subject to whatever abuse had led me down that path. But it was my morbid curiosity, because I chose those situations knowing that I am entertained by aggression.

Aggressors find my amusement annoying. It adds fuel to the fire, pushes their limits; unable to laugh at themselves, the angry flip from aggression to full on abuse.

Of course it’s fun, it’s like that predictable explosion, a controlled avalanche.

And it’s what I do, I laugh in the face of rage. I laugh, because I understand anger, I know rage, I terrorized them a long time ago, and they are now subservient to my control. I don’t avoid it, but I generally don’t project it either. So yes, watching each and every single one of you flip out in vengeance does entertain me, because I remember what it was like to be immature.

I remember what it was like to be insecure.

But I also remember…what it’s like to be fearless in the face of insecurity.

My darlings, like I said, it’s good to be back. Oh, how I’ve missed you…

G.

Fight

I don’t want someone to
fight for me.

I don’t want someone to
fight against me.

I want someone to
fight
with
me.

If that’s too much to ask,
then I’ll fight alone regardless.

I didn’t get this far
to make it
just here.


I didn’t get this far
by waiting around to prove my worth.

No,
I know what it’s like to be tired.

I know what exhaustion feels like.

I know what it’s like to want to give up.

But,

I also know what it’s like
to have no choice but to keep going.

And that,
m’dear,
is all I know.

So darling,
keep going.

With or without me.

I made it,
so can you.

Prove me right.

I dare you.

 

MG