The Curious Adventures of Gordan's Thoughts

Hello silence, ye olde friend
Once acquainted, we meet again
We do not see one another often
Not since I left you alone in that coffin
Where have you been, you strange mystery
You glance, then evade our torn reality
As if you are nothing but a dream
A flicker in time, an untold memory

Hello silence, a strange companion
The one who soundlessly, readily creeps in
One who dwells in questionable existence
As if your form is nothing but pretense
You take over while many are sleeping
You echo in the hollows of the disbelieving
I found you once and tried retrieving
But it ended with a mortal “me” retreating

Hello silence, once again
The final greeting before your descent
As suddenly as life begins
Your demise — silence…ends.

MG

Beyond the fire of heartbreak
Where anger cannot be slaked
When rage does not consume the pain
But ignites, burns, fuels the flame
Even Death’s kiss, cannot hold sway
The offending malefactor, a penance must pay
Pay, but not an earthly penalty
To trade one’s soul for a dying memory
The anguished cries will not be heard
From vengeance’s path, they’ll naught be deterred
Silenced screams resound in agony
Echoes of retribution, stifled over centuries
‘Tis not mere chance, but insatiable need
Comprehend consequences, their counsel do heed
Vibrations of timeless truths unforetold
Warnings of vengeance…
vengeance of the souls.

 

MG ~ KB

I exist in whatever world I make
One I could create
A world from which I need not escape
For it expands only to embrace
A world where I don’t discriminate
Merely give what I will take
A world that’s real, where nothing is fake
Where there’s no “lose or save face”

They coin it utopian and call me idealist
Yet I am my biggest cynic
I balance the two and call myself a realist
Who is also my own worst critic
Finding a way to be more expressive
Without sounding as cryptic
Striving to know what’s wanted, what’s needed
Limited to role models I mimic

Twas never about the defeaters nor defeated
Both equally parasitic
A mix of those who have been mistreated
What could have been pandemic
To neither the meek, nor the conceited
But ambiverts – sociably eremitic
This is the world I’ve inhabited
Between creative and academic

So I exist in whatever world I make
One I could create
A world from which I need not escape
For it expands only to embrace
A world where I don’t discriminate
Merely give what I will take
A world that’s real, where nothing is fake
Founded on freedom, justice, and grace

MG

You enable me to feel
What I’ve been afraid of
Yet restrict me from doing
What I believe keeps me alive

I don’t merely mean the blood
Pumping through the veins
But the vigor that breathes life
That reflects both sun and rain

There are days I try my best
To be kind, to be gentle, and to be sweet
But then come the days I just need to rest
Breathe, release, the passing summer breeze

On those days the demons come out
To prance and hop — to play
You don’t like them, but they’re part of me
I’m a balance of both, but not a buffet

You don’t get to pick and choose which parts
Of me you may or may not like
I was up-front with you right from the start
That I won’t control what goes on inside

I’ve merely trained my external expression
How to get it out
Some say I’m passive, others sense aggression
All you have to do is stick around

You’ll see the full picture but not all at once
It’s just the way I like to present
An hour at a time, a day, week, month
Slowly, our unity begins to ascend

I am One, but I embody many
Other bodies, other souls, other inspirations
I merely reflect the company I keep
Living vicariously through each others’ creations

MG

My dearest darling,

For the longest time I have kept you sheltered and kept you protected. I have hidden you in the crevices deep below the depths, beyond where even I myself dare not reach.

But I have listened to the echoes within the silence, riveting from your soul and out of my hands. I have heard your yearn for greatness, your desire, your push, your drive, your motivation. You want to leave a legacy.

I tell you, my dearest, what it is that makes you great.

Your “greatness” was never about you. What makes you great, is that you have those who stand behind you, who stand beside you, who stand with you through thick and thin, sun and rain. What makes you great, is that you are merely a reflection, an embodiment, of those you have chosen to place in your life.

You encompass all that they are, and in turn, envelop them with the love you have received. My dearest, you do not take more than you are willing to give; and you do not give more than you get.

I know you — you knew me once, but I…I know…you

My dearest, you are destined to be great, and remember… that it is never about you, rather it is about how you reflect all that has been instilled in you. Your influences are what make…you.

Remember this, darling, remember…you…

that continuous memory legacy in the making.

MG

Be not afraid of greatness.
Some are born great, some achieve greatness,
and others have greatness thrust upon them.
~William Shakespeare~

You care about all those in your world
The souls of innocent boys and girls
But what about those who actually make
And build your world in the first place?

I’ve wanted to write for days on end
But the rage inside me would not bend
So I fought hard, as best as I could
Until all that was left — splinters n’ wood.

You looked at me once, a time ago
When you loved me, with or without the ego
Returning from the battle after cleaning up your mess
I’d barely had a rest and you put me back to the test

What were you testing for, strength or pride?
For loyalty? For honesty? For following through with desire?
Though that war I’d fought for you
The victory, to me, was nothing new.

The unexpected part of all this was you
At least…the you I thought I knew.
Relentlessly, I’d destroyed your enemy
Only to have it pop out in front of me.

Taking the shape of you effortlessly
But forgetting that I once knew you intimately
This figure standing before me, anew
Confirmed…

 

 

The you I knew
was never you
.

 

 

MG

Muscles carve into my bones
Like hot, bubbling gelatin
Legs are filled with pebbles and stones
Dragging calcified iron bars within
Shoulders fall with under the weight of the world
Dangling arms, weak and insecure

I rest my head upon my pillow
Looking down at my world below
Books and boxes everywhere
Memoirs of moments shared
Between every you and every me
Every fragment of my reality

Inhale, exhale… breathe
Air goes from my lungs to my knees
To my fingers, my feet, my toes
Out again through the nose
Finally, a moment to just take a breath
Wake in the morning and start afresh

Soldier on through the day
As they always say
No rest for the weary
The thought is scary
But the concept is rarely
As bad as reality

When all’s said and done
Hard work is always fun
When it all comes together
The puzzle is clearer
The writing’s on the wall
The boxes, on the floor
The pictures’re on the door
We’ve all been here before

MG

 

November 14, 2016

-Wrote this after a long day of moving boxes, tried out a slightly less abstract, more narrative style.

They won’t know where you’ve been
Nor where you’ve going
All they know is…
Where you are.
~Anon~

Judge all you want
What I say or do
For you know nothing of what
I’ve gone through
Who I’ve been
What I’ve seen
To get to where I am
I’ve done what I can

I’m a nobody to many
And a somebody to few

You decide
Which side
Of the fence you stand
I can only hope you’d understand
That the choices I make
I’ve learned from mistakes
Once made

I’m still moving toward

Destinations forward
Learning along the way
Growing every day

For now, this is how it’s going to be
If you want to be with me
Then accept that it’s my journey
I’m doing the best I can already
To hold onto sanity
Can’t you see?
So if you don’t like my reality
Feel free to write me down as a memory

MG

Dear younger self,

I am going to write this from the perspective of an older self that you have only recently come to understand.

There was a time you thought you knew it all, m’dear, you thought you had it all figured out. Much of it owed to what those around you allowed you to believe; they put you on that pedestal you never asked for, gave you the attention you never felt you deserved, treated you with their version of “respect”.

Young self, you must understand one thing, not everyone is like you. Yes, you’re self-indulged, but they, m’dear, they are self-absorbed. They’re too caught up in the busyness of their own lives to appreciate all you have to offer. So hold onto some of it, dear, don’t give all of it away.

You invite them into your world, but you have yet to discover the galaxies inside of you. They know not of these universes that you, too, are unaware of at this moment, but they see the light shine through and are drawn to it.

You can welcome them, m’dear, you were born to be hospitable. You were born with arms longer than the average human, arms that reach around the world and embrace the souls that are in genuine need of touching. It’s what you do, because of the kindness, grace, and mercy that has gotten you this far. So don’t take it for granted, m’dear. Hold onto that.

One day, you will reach a realization that you can choose who to let in — yes. everyone who enters deserves respect and sincerity, but not everyone will choose to stay. And for that reason, my young self, know your boundaries and accept your limits. Know your role in their lives, and accept that you can’t be a saviour to your entire world.

Sometimes, transformation does begin by letting go, by pushing yourself off the cliff that was once your comfort zone, your nest.

One day, m’dear, you will meet someone who can and will do for you all that you’ve done for others. Someone who will look at you, appreciate you, and not want to let you go. Someone who not only has that desire, but also that willpower.

So for now, m’dear, do not rush. Don’t be that impulsive naive self that got you into the wreck in the first place. The wreck was so long ago anyway, it may as well be a divers’ hub by now. Swim away, m’dear. There’s nothing more you can do than you’ve already done to atone for the atrocities of your past.

I am that future you never dared to dream of, m’dear. That future is now present.

Embrace it, love. It’s time to stop surviving the storm and start thriving from what the waves have washed ashore.

Now that you’ve learned to shield yourself from waves and breathe underwater, how about moving on up and learn to ride that wave?

 

 

MG

 

 

 

 

I read your silence
As resistance–
And this somehow surprised me
Perhaps you sought out mystery
But there was no invitation nor call
I waited until the rising sun
To summon thee to me
But as my eyes opened, all I could see
Were clouds brewing in the distance.

I heard your silence
As resistance–
The refusal to persist
You tried your best to more than live
But your constraints limited your existence
There was something about your smile
That could make all weak at the knees
An insubordination, incomplete surrender
Left little choice for me.

I felt your silence
As resistance–
It echoed from the distance
Amidst the chains that tied you to me
I cut them to be free
But lost I was in the wilderness
Without your wise guidance
I came back for you, to walk with you
Only to be challenged by someone new.

I resisted your silence–
Profound defiance
Awaiting an alliance
The sun must set now
in the West
O’er the hills, trees, nests
Forever a-waiting, I for thee.
Until the day you return to me.

C.H.

 

 

This poem was taken from a novella I’ve been working on over the past couple of months. The full story can be found here

MG

How free can we be
When free is different to you and me

To be free of sickness and pain
or to be free from knowledge that constrains?

Knowledge is freedom
Sickness constrains

Pain strengthens
Love liberates

In freedom we find power
In power, freedom diminishes

Humbled and meek
Freedom we seek
To love is to be free…

To love is to feel pain
Can freedom be found in both, simultaneously?

To forget pain, to embrace change
Can surrendering to love be the key?

What if the door was never locked
And surrender was not the answer

What if love wasn’t a battlefield
And freedom didn’t mean war
?

Freedom meant contentment
Contentment meant no lessons learned

Our lessons were our blessings
Freedom means progressing

Progressing to larger mountains
A new climb in time

Atop the Peak, see the world from afar
Enchanted by city lights

City lights bring me fright when viewed from above
They flicker like freedom, on and off.

To reemerge in the city
To be one with the light — to be free.

The lights are cut; now only the moonshine can guide

In the dark we hide
The secrets in us they confide

Open confinement when darkness comes about
One in the same when light could not display differences

Echoes in the distance, silence surrounds
Unity and harmony, love and deliverance
.

Peace of mind
True freedom found

Serenity of the heart
Tranquility resounds

Beats of infinity
Rhythms of entity.

 

MG and BB

 

This poem itself is a collaboration with B. Florian, inspired through conversations and poetry. The sharing of thoughts and connectivity of ideas bloomed with collaboration.
#InternationalPoetry

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